Extremely saddened by the loss of my friend Cicily Janus, belated as I was battling my own leukemia ugliness. No excuse, she was a special angel and just didn’t have enough strength to help her. I relapsed about a month after she had and couldn’t help her anymore with finding doctors and clinical trials and finding a way to see her kids or pay her medical bills and visit her. I was tired already not even knowing I had relapsed and was trying my best to keep her spirits up. When I relapsed, I loaned her my people. And then I needed my people. Cicily, I hope your ass never has to be hooked up to a pump again, that you have wispy hair, no fevers, and only cupcakes and flowy hair in your peaceful place. And that body hair is non existent along with calories.
Fuck cancer. I met her when she was in the room next door to me, you see. Justin struck up a conversation in the elevator as she was leaving and very excited about going outside for the first time in a few months. I cry every time. Sometimes people just don’t see the tears… or maybe they do, they just don’t say anything. I put on a smile and pretend it isn’t a big deal because the next stop is usually home. Home is just as goal. The little stuff is the goal.
You we’re so kind when someone was in the room that needed a listen. You always gave me gifts and I assured you I wasn’t there for gifts, that I did t need anything from you. But you always made something. A pillowcase, wrote down a favorite recipe, stashed me some candy. You had such a kind heart and so many beautiful qualities. I witnessed someone self employed try to figure this out with insufficient healthcare in this world where children have the disease, but we can’t see children. And you had three. Three that you couldn’t see. I would’ve lost it.
We’re still neighbors now because you promised to haunt me, but I’m still fighting, I don’t plan on being your next door neighbor right now. I need a little more time in this place. I gotta finish our bucket list.
#fuckCancer #tooYoung #TooTalented