Day +12 : (ANC 60)

Day +12 : (ANC 60) If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, “WHY ISNT MY ANC COMING UP!?” We have no idea…  But the doctors don’t seem worried. They usually let people out that have 500+ ANC for three days and no fever.  But, they say they’re setting this little birdie free on Friday!

I can’t wait to go home. They make me very comfortable here, but there’s nothing like your own bed where people don’t check your vitals every three hours. And, I’ll be able totake a shower without a stranger walking in while I’m changing. And no one is measuring my urine output. 

They give you a therapist while you’re going through this… And while I tell my besties and Justin pretty much everything, I’ve always been a fan of therapy. It gives me an unbiased ear that has seen a thousand people go through this. They help me sort out the things I internalize. They’re a big reason that I can stay positive when everything seems overwhelming or hopeless. Nothing is too stupid to talk about and I learn something every time.

Hospitals can actually deny people transplants if they don’t feel that you can get through it with their current mental health state. I’ve seen someone get denied, and it takes away all hope. It’s so incredibly sad when someone can’t get around a decision like that. They die. It’s that simple.

Mental Health is just as important, if not more than physical help. I’ve had a lot of friends kill themselves over the past few years, and while I sit here fighting, I still think that the mental state that one must be in to make that decision must be much more unbearable than this. 

Seeking counseling is a move of strength, not weakness. If you ever get to THAT point, reach out, find someone. There are loads of free clinics and people that do sliding scales. If you are reading and know one of these places, please post in the comments below.

My therapist sent me this when she got back to her desk. It may mean something totally different to you than me, but I feel like I can’t wait to learn from the birds…  The free people walking around outside of this room.  And, something that I always preach…  That you just never know what other people are going through. And if for just one moment, we could see the world through someone else’s eyes, it would change the world. 


One thought on “Day +12 : (ANC 60)

  1. I was that one you talked about. I have since been told that despite my mental health, illhealth, the doctor’s now know that “even if we could have pulled the moon out of the sky for you, it wouldn’t have helped. Your residual tests showed more cancer.” It was then that I started accepting life and listening to the therapists and telling them my actual bullshit and the bullshit’s bullshit and have been set free. I love you to pieces and more, Ms. Snow and because of the love your family has shown, I feel like you and I were always meant to be leukemiacs together…

    Wanna build a snowman?

    I can only give you much more love to you than words can express.


    The crazy redhead sans hair down the hall. You were the best gift God could have given me during this trial in our lives.


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