Helplessness and hopelessness mean two very different things to me, and it is even more apparent this week.
Most of you that know me try to eat very healthy, organic garden, exercise, I’m active, etc, etc. and this week has completely flipped my world upside down.
Over the past few months, I’ve been trying to fight the Heather Snow energy crisis. I haven’t been that hungry or awake for at least a month. Everything makes me tired, I bruise easily, got sinus infections, allergies and most recently, it hurt to brush my teeth. Every time something like this would happen, I’d Google or someone would say, “my friend had that cold!” Or “I bruise easily!” And I’d write it off, take some mucinex, sinus meds or whatever was suggested and go about my day.
Until Sunday. I bit my tounge. Monday morning, I woke up and it was so swollen that I couldn’t talk. So, after googling, “emergency room”, I headed over to St Joe’s where a crowd full of cross armed doctors and nurses looked at me stumped. After hearing whispers among them, one said, “Okay, we need to intubated you now or it will be hard or impossible later. I replied, okay, please call these two people. Justin Ranney and Emily Chaney. My boyfriend and best friend. I texted those two and let them know where I was. They thought I was messing with them… And then upon calling the hospital, they had moved me to the ICU. I was truly helpless and they were there to help.
Around 4pm on Tuesday, I woke up with Justin and Emily by my side when the doctor told us that I have Leukemia. My parents were already on their way from Ohio and word was spreading that I was in the ICU. I can tell you that intubators, ICUs, bed restraints and bone marrow extracts are all added to my list of “things I hate.”
Long story short, I’ve taken emergency leave from work, and will be in the hospital for about a month for the first round. I started chemo Thursday night and my tounge is back to a manageable size. While I’m thinking things will slow down with doctors in and out of the room, I’m not going to be a happy girl. But, I swear to take lots of inappropriate hospital pictures.
Firstly, if Justin and Emily hadn’t rushed to my side in the middle of their work day, I would have been left the the whim of the hospital staff. And screwed which notifying everyone else. After seeing the chaos that I put the nursing staff through and the pain I was in and terrible shape, and still saying that they love me, was worth more than anything I’ve imagined.
Second, I’m in bad shape. Everyone who comes to visit has to suit up in a yellow sanitary suit, wash their hands and if you have an illness are not allowed in the room at all. I have absolutely no white blood cells… So, I’ll die.
Third. Stay tuned here for updates. Contact one of the main team with any of the details, because I’m just going to get sicker and with being the people who communicate daily, they’ll be able to give you any updates or if I’m too sick to play today.
And lastly, in lieue of sending flowers (because they won’t let me have them) draw me a picture. Or, if you’re so inclined, throw some cash to my support system. They’re making me healthy smoothies, cutting my hair, flying back and forth from Ohio, etc. etc. That stuff adds up! The remainder of the funds not used will go leukemia and Lymohoma reasearch.
I love you all, I’m going to kick this thing, and I can’t wait to shave my head.
I am at Presbyterian St Luke’s, Room 4204, Phone is 720- 754-4940.
You can also head to SixFeetofLeukemia.com for updates.